Sunday, 25 December 2016


I love Christmas because I love watching people's faces light up with pure joy. I love hearing cheerful laughter and the warming sounds of happiness. In Truth this year is the first time in a long while that I've actually been mentally able to fully embrace christmas again properly. 

wasn't actually going to pop this up today in thinking of who the heck will be online reading this over the festive Christmas period. But then I thought about the horrible place I was in around this precious time, and that actually reading a little blog post back then may of lifted my spirits in someway....

Christmas is so special because you're surrounded by lovely friends and family, yet back then when I looked around the room the one voice I yearned to hear wasn't heard. A lady who personified family and Christmas to me no longer appeared, her laughter or call for my name in her high pitched mum voice had completely vanished forever. It was just a really odd strange time that I couldn't easily adjust too. The pain weighed heavily on me for many years which I tried to hide from loved ones because I didn't want them to feel the burden of my personal strain. Each Christmas became harder and harder but thankfully now five years on I am able to finally say it will be okay. My love for FLORA MARIA deepens every single second of the day but I can't let the past affect my future anymore. It's more than enough now. 
I'm just at a point where I honestly feel overjoyed with all the fond memories we all shared as a family. I was lucky enough to have a mum who worked two to three jobs single handily to make Christmas time really so magical for us....

And on that note I really felt an urge to reminisce and share our Family Christmas Traditions with you: So Mum couldn't handle the pestering from us (three nagging kids) so she would allow us to open one present on Christmas eve at 12am (effectively christmas day). We couldn't sleep anyway, so one little present was deemed acceptable. Once awake on Christmas morning mum would gracefully lay the table for BREAKFAST with the brightest whitest lace table cloth and spread. All her stunning finest cutlery and tableware (that we were never allowed to touch) was laid and perfectly placed. Breakfast would consist of warm crusty bread, bagels, scrambled eggs, salmon and orange juice. We would then pull out the best pieces of fabulous clothing from our wardrobes. My mum immaculate in a form fitting stylish dress, brother would wear a respectful smart SHIRT and TIE, and my sister and I would be propped in pretty frilly DRESSES. Next we would all troop to CHURCH for an early morning service. We stopped going to church over the years as we got older. And although I really liked going to church I did secretly love that we stopped attending because it was always so damn cold walking through a park and across a massive FIELD. I think mum saw it as a nice Christmas day WALK. Once returned from the hymns and prayer at church we were allowed to open the remainder of our festive gifts. I always remember mum always letting us know that Christmas isn't just about the gifts but more about love and joy. (I love that she instilled that in us) She used to bang on about golden ORANGES being more than enough as a gift in past history as they represented wealth and happiness (which I never really understood back then as a child, but know exactly what she means now). Next was the Radio Times Tv Guide scan and scroll, circling of all the best Christmas FILMS on like Miracle on 34th Street, It's a Wonderful Life, Home Alone and any film starring Bill Murray (It was only four channels back then, then channel 5 came). 
Classic 'Top of The Pops' was 100% definitely ticked. Then onto dancing around the living room for hours with mum playing all of her fabulous vinyl records on her player. Tina Turner simply The Best was a family fave! Christmas Dinner was beautifully served around five o'clock, which was turkey some years and chicken others. Mum would then drive up the old A13 to LONDON to visit her mum (my gran). We'd normally spend the rest of christmas day there at my grannies, with my mums gazillion brothers and sisters (eight siblings in total) arriving. But as the years went on and we grew older we just stayed at home in Dagenham for the whole day. Which allowed my mum to get all the brandy and rum out of that special cupboard in the evenings. At times mum let us have a tiny drop of alcohol as a Christmas treat (when we were older). Of course I would have one sip and be drunk (nothing changes!)....Then it would be board games like Scramble and Monopoly over DESSERTS, with even more chocolate divulging. Then came out the cheese board and I specifically remember my mum loving the After Eight chocolates that we all ate too.......Then we all just danced the Christmas night away.

I just know that they're are people out there in this very moment, right now who could be silently feeling a bit of sadness, lost or loneliness. And I just wanted to say...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I MAY NOT BE PHYSICALLY THERE WITH YOU, BUT I'M SENDING YOU A HUGE AMOUNT OF FABULOUS LOVE AND HOPE. I ALSO WANT TO INVITE YOU TO RAISE A GLASS WITH ME....I feel like sometimes you need a stranger or someone with no real emotional connection to you, to simply tell you that you are strong, and you will be okay. So I am telling you that today....MERRY FRIGGING CHRISTMAS! X




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