Saturday, 26 December 2020

YOU HAVE GOT THROUGH THE YEAR | HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL?


You have nearly gotten through the entire year of 2020.....How do you feel? I personally can't wait for this year to be truly over and I'm not usually someone who tends to wish time away. I know that a new start isn't magically going to instantaneously turn everything in to a sweet bed of pretty roses hit midnight on nye, but I hope a New Year will bring more understanding, hope and change for us all....Oh and an ounce of some kind of new normality. 


Reflecting back and not beating around the bush this year has been truly awful. Heartbreakingly tragic, overwhelming, emotionally disturbing, shocking, exhausting, confusing and surreal all at the same time. I mean I'm struggling to even write all the words to describe the type of year we've all had (on different levels). The worst for me was back in April knowing that a family member was isolated in hospital on their own with no-one allowed in to visit, not even his wife who is also a fully qualified nurse from a different hospital (which of course I totally understand and so thankful for our amazing NHS), then to hear from the family that he had passed away.  A sweet, loving, hardworking, kind, funny man…gone, just like that. With no family able to say a gentle goodbye. This family member was married to his wife for over forty five years, child hood sweethearts. Nobody deserves to go like that. And I know many many many many people across the country and world are still going through the exact same thing.  It's also been the elderly generation that still can't leave the house due to being high risk, grandparents that haven't been outside for months. And I haven't even spoken about the freelancing acting work I had postponed due to set closures and the theatre industry literally halting to a stop. Or the mothers having to send their partners/husbands home literally after just giving birth.....Or a friend who wasn't allowed to travel back home abroad to see close family over this Christmas period as all her flights were cancelled. Also rising mental health figures and loneliness with many many people on lock down isolating on their own...Schools shutting, job losses, businesses closing and our economy crashing. I mean I could go on and on here. 


Seeing anyone you love and the world struggle with a virus is something that I can't even articulate properly. My goodness 2020 has been a lot. We've all had to adjust our lives in so many challenging ways (big and small). A few of my friends had to relocate out of London! It really has been that mad! Did 2020 actually happen? We have to applaud ourselves for persevering through it (I do feel guilt doing that because people say well you could be worse, but as my bestie said its okay and normal to say you've felt the strain and sadness of 2020). I mentioned Christmas earlier and even this festive period feels surreal to me, does it to you? Some people are not celebrating it this year at all, some are feeling excited to forget about everything stepping into a festive bubble (metaphorically/literally), and some people are half celebrating the season by just getting drunk. Christmas to me feels very warming but still strange and bittersweet. 


I've mentioned the worst but of course 2020 still came with plenty of positives like people of all backgrounds standing up for justice and change, local communities uniting helping one another, birth announcements, new beautiful babies on the way (bestie is having a baby!) Talking of friends and family - OMG 2020 also taught us about who means the most, importance of human touch and how time with the family can never ever be taken for granted. We all also discovered Zoom (never heard of it before 2020), although I did quickly learn that the zoom quizzes weren't my thing, but flourished in hosting them, and whats app groups chats with the girlies literally got me through this year. I also saw a few people start new businesses after becoming unemployed and the film, tv, commercial production companies able to reopen. Theatre did gloriously reopen its curtains in the later part of this year, but closed again recently due to the latest lockdown measures (but I know it will reopen again).  


In many ways twenty twenty asked us all for inner courage, faith, spirit of love, generosity, tenacity and just the ability to cope. I also learnt so much more about myself this year too. If you've gotten through my ramblings thank you thank you thank you. Also an extra big thank you for reading my sporadic blog entries this year and giving me inspiration to keep writing. We don't know what is going to happen next so please stay safe, look after yourself and I hope 2021 is a better one for us all. x



Photography | Zoe Griffin




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